No Choice

A conceptual genius, marketing wiz and the writer of the blog that starts my day - Seth Godin.
He sent out this gem last week, take a read and then let me digress:

No Choice
"I had no choice, I just couldn't get out of bed."
"I had no choice, it was the best program I could get into."
"I had no choice, he told me to do it..."
Really?
It's probably more accurate to say, "the short-term benefit/satisfaction/risk avoidance was a lot higher than anything else, so I chose to do what I did."
Remarkable work often comes from making choices when everyone else feels as though there is no choice. Difficult choices involve painful sacrifices, advance planning or just plain guts.
Saying you have no choice cuts off all options, absolves responsibility and is the dream killer.
http://www.sethgodin.com

I love this. I love this so much because it is honest.  Brutally honest.  If we are completely honest with ourselves, we can all pick a time where we have said some variation of "no choice".  I think secretly, deep down inside when we do say these things, we know the truth. We know that we probably didn't challenge ourselves enough and that in some way, we quit.
This blog of God-in's is one that I hope I am able to re-call often.  Whenever I may think about not having choice, I hope to remind myself that if I don't - then I am really just giving up.
When "not having a choice" I am cutting myself short.
I choose the decisions I make.  I am in charge of my choices, my opinions and my values.
Whether that means getting out of bed on time, wearing heels or flats, speeding, staying up too late, letting someone's opinion effect my own, speaking up, working late to get it done, or pushing myself just a little bit further...I choose to have a choice.

Thanks for reading, I hope this is inspiring to you as it was to me.
Cheers,
Polly

Just some good ol fashioned dating advice ...

Hi Friends,

I found this and as a women that tends to over think just about everything I thought it was inspiring.  

I'm not sure who "D" is but I like her/it/him(?).  My next post/dating doozie is a-brewing - however, not my own. I will be focusing on some of my fellow single sistas. 

Much love,

Polly

WooSahhh

I had a big "Woosahhh" moment last night...and happened to stumble upon this image this morning.  When the going gets tough ... its probably going to get harder so take this advice:

Imagine Your Whole Love

Typing to Tunes: Wilco's new album, The Whole Love

A lovely day in 2004 a lovely friend of mine took a chance and lent me an album entitled Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. It struck me as a peculiar name for an album, however it quickly became one of those CDs that was on constant repeat in my Jeep (R.I.P).  Since 2004 the band that has chosen to name their albums after civil war meets ballroom dance terms, Wilco has become a topper of my all time favorite bands list. A few things, beside Yankee Hotel Foxtrot have contributed to this. 

1. They are amazing musicians (don't get me started on Nels)

2. In my perspective they are a band that consistently redevelops themselves. You know it is them, but with every album something seems to change, but their vibe is still there.  Never stale and somehow mastering to always keep their trademark sound.

3. Those, what seem to be, moments of clarity at a concert.  Seeing any music is something that I will geek out on...for a while, and boy have I geeked out at Wilco show.

So thank you friend for introducing me to a band that I truly enjoy.  I hope that I have at least perked some sort of interest with some of you, below you can find the title track to Wilco's latest album, The Whole Love.

I thought I would share this song, b/c ... its just kind of adorable...and great.

Listening to this light-hearted love song I can't help but tap my toes and pop my shoulders to the vibe of the song.  Entitled Whole Love, I find it fitting that Mr. Tweedy's perfectly unique earnest vocals sing:

 I will call on the the telephone

I will call when you get mad
I'll still love you to death
And I will never forget how

It's such a happy and hopeful song about how someone would devote their "Whole Love".  The type of song that makes you want to dance with that someone special - in the cute way. Enjoy, Polly. 

My cold marigolds attack
My back a bed of roses
I'm gonna break my back
With you bounces high

And I know that I won't be
The easiest to set free
And I know that I won't be the last
Cold captain tied to the mast

I will call on the the telephone
I will call when you get mad
I'll still love you to death
And I will never forget how

And I know that I won't be
The easiest to set free
And I know that I won't be the last Cold captain tied to the mast

I'm on the other side
When I'm satisfied
Oh I'm a spirit dove
I'm looking for your love

I'm simple as a matter of fact
Punch you in the nose 
Don't over-react
I'll still love you to death
And I won't ever forget how

And I know that I won't be
The easiest to set free
And I know that I won't be the last Cold captain tied to the mast
And I know that I won't be the one
To secure they'll know what it's from
But I hope I'll know when it's past
And I hope I'll know when I show you my

Whole Love
Whole Love
Whole Love
Whole Love
Whole Love
Whole Love
Whole Love
Whole Love

And I won't ever forget how 

And Then He Kissed Me...

This kinda sums up how I got ready for work today after last nights nerve-fill yet successful date with a new boy.  I haven't quite figured out his "name" yet or exactly pinned down what the deal is.  But thought I would share the song of the day inspired by last night:

Make Room for a Man's View

A man's take on the the Wonderful World of Women
"Be YO - Self"

Why is it the weirder the guy, the more cache he has with the ladies? I understand mystique, but just being weird I mean come on! I will never understand this mystery. Also what happened to that guy Mystery? Has he secretly gone off to nail every woman in America or did we find out that he is just like everyone else and eventually gave himself up to someone only to be rejected? One could only hope. I also hope he is bald under those hats. Like Telly Savalas bald baby.


He should of just been himself. I have been myself. I tried being someone else to get someone to
like me, but that never works out. Being yourself is the best advice I have ever received and given when it comes to finding someone to spend time with. Let's be honest, the first couple of dates are an interview. If there is a click you go from there. If it falls flat, well you say nice to meet you however I am not for you. What you don't do is say, “This person is my ideal. Good looking, good job, secure, we should be together. I need to find out what they want and be that.” No you shouldn't. Stop it.


(read slowly)
Here is what happens when you do that. You start dating and then to become their ideal you over compromise. They like hanging out with their friends and don't like or in most cases know yours. So their friends start becoming your friends. See where this going? No? Their friends are now your friends, which means your friends whom you met organically, like you are suppose to, are fading into the distance. This also means you get paired up with one their friends significant other. Now you are being forced to be friend with someone you have only one thing in common. You like to compromise your ideals for the idea of being with your ideal. My brain just melted a bit.


If you find yourself having this problem just say this, ”Hey I am going to go see my friend tonight,
you have fun with yours.” That statement alone should give you the confidence to do it. If that person runs off in the night over you wanting to spend time with your friend, you did yourself a favor. You are better off my friend. Are we friends? Yes. Facebook me bitch.


Well of course they like hanging out with their friends, they are THEIR FRIENDS! Duh! You like
hanging out with yours. So go do that. I guess some of this is chalked up to self esteem. If you have confidence in yourself, you will have confidence that this person will like you for you. Which also means they will like your friends or at least tolerate them and allow you to spend time with them. If you compromise about your friends it only tends to go downhill from there.


(read at regular pace)
For the record some of my friends girlfriends/wives can't stand me, but yet they still let me come
around. They let them be themselves by making poor decision in friends(me). I am actually a good friend, just don't get me drunk surrounded by women. One word: Kissing bandit.


While I am here I would also like to publicly apologize to my friend Richard's wife Sandra, for the
years 2002-2005. Thank you.


I know it is easy to say be yourself, but in reality it is hard to pull off. If you know me, you know I have few serious moments in my life. However if we go out, I will be serious and quiet on date #1. If I do catch myself doing this, I try and snap out of it. It is a tricky maneuver and I do not want to scare them off. A good dick joke usually breaks the ice enough for me to unveil myself. Once your true self is out, you are golden.


You better have a sense of humor about yourself as well. If you take yourself too seriously, you will only be disappointed when you don't live up to your expectations. I have a good sense of humor. It is who I am, but I wish I learned to play guitar. I didn't though, I am lazy. I am. Sense of humor is important. People with no sense of humor, especially about themselves, tend to be uptight. There is nothing worse than dating someone who is uptight. Yes, uptight does mean they do not put out. It also means no emotion, no love, no affection and just forget about sex at the drive-in.


Basically what it boils down to is, there are people we like and people we don't. What you hope for is you run into one these people you like and they just happen to be one of the people who like people like you. That was confusing. Let me try that again.


Once I was down and out about a lady and my friend's girlfriend said, “There is a flower for every pot.”and I said “Thanks for the cliché.”


Well I was drunk and she was right. There is someone for everyone. Sometimes you find them when you are young, sometimes when you are old. You won't find them though if you make yourself unavailable by compromising who you are and what you want out of a relationship.


Be yourself, it is just that easy.
It is the best thing for you can do for all of us.


And call your mother, she misses you.


XOX,

Calling all Boy Bloggers

Calling all Boy Bloggers

For over a year now, ya'll have been listening to me, my viewpoints, my stories, my experiences and hopefully my positive - ity.  I'm trying out a new thing for the next two blogs.  I'd like to invite men, man-friends, boys, males to the conversation.  That's right, a male blog ghost writer, a special guest, a chance for the men to have their take.  I don't need to know you personally.  Or we can also be friends ... or dislike each other.  Either way leave a comment with your information or EMAIL ME with your interest.

Topics can include (however I am open to anything ... get creative.

1.  A man's stories of dating 

2.  A man's experience on Match.com

3.  A man's viewpoint on women and what he wants 

4.  Or really anything revolving around the wonderful world of dating and the doozies it throws you.

My only rules are:

1. You cannot refer to any of your dates or ladies of the night by their real name.

2.  No lady bashing

3.  Have a takeaway ... Positive Play from your experience. 

I'm starting with 2 blogs. LMK ASAP. Leave a comment with your info OR email me by CLICKING HERE.

Honest Abe Part Duex

Welcome back to the tale of Honest Abe.  

STOP - if you have not read Part 1, please scroll down or find it listed to the right of this post. 

As we continue this story I'll give you a refresher - Honest Abe/Mr. Red Shiny BMW took me on a musical adventure for our 1st date - a Ben Harper concert paired w/ delicious tacos and greyhounds at Cafe Von Kleef.  This equates to - magical - top of my list things to-do on a 1st date.  In fact it was a 1st for a 1st date.  I left off with he and I as the perfect team, rocking out to amazing tunes, cheers-ing each other as each song was delivered, making friends w/ fans around us, chit chatting the bartender and enjoying the way he played with the long tips of my hair as sweet ballads filled the auditorium.  It was nice.  I didn't know this guy, yet I was okay in his company.  I didn't feel the normal first date pressure to talk and talk.  It wasn't odd like going to a movie on a first date, it felt comfortable. Best Date EVER right?

There is a reason why I'm referring to him as "Honest Abe" and I will get to that, I promise.  But I will be honest first, even though I have described what seems to be a perfect man, well that wasn't 100% true.
If you know "my type" I generally like them slightly rough around the edges some would say rugged or mountain men.  Honestly, Abe didn't quite meet those standards.  He was a little more "Pretty" and high maintenance than what I normally go for, BUT I'm trying to reach out of my comfort zone. However, he did break some serious concert etiquette.  His phone was out for most of the show, texting and checking Facebook, got up often for beers and kept interrupting others in the aisle. BUT I let it slide, no biggie.

Somewhere between the end of the concert and our BART ride home to Oakland, something went very, very wrong.  So wrong - its probably "right" that it happened.  I knew that we had some cocktails, but I was not past my first date maximum. Anyways I will get to it.  It seemed like a time warp or as if I had suddenly awakened from a blissful dream and found myself in a disastrous reality.  I woke up to a man that was very upset with me. Readers, meet Honest Abe.

He began to list out a series of moments/things/nuances that I had done throughout the night that apparently ruined this date that he had planned.  Unbeknownst to me I had been "directing" him too much and I was making it impossible for us to enjoy our night. Apparently I was,

- Giving alternate driving directions

- Asking where we were going

- Giving BART exit suggestions

- Correcting his directions

- Telling him not worry about where our seats were b/c they were in the upper balcony

- Teasing him about checking facebook during the show
- I wouldn't hold his hand, just a rule of mine I don't hold hands on the first date.
After he unleashed his wrath on me, I being a positive polly tried to to redeem the evening and take what he said into consideration and clean up the vibe by just calling it a misunderstanding. Once we landed back in my hood we went for a night cap.  Perhaps this was bad idea because after that he threw out some real jems.
"I really like you and think we have something great, but if you keep putting these walls up you're never going to find anyone."
and I quote:
"I don't get along with my mother and you remind me of her."


Okay. Somebody was being real honest. 
I had three reactions.  
1. FML
2. Does he have a point?
3. See Ya! Peace Out! You're dumb.


Let's explore these.
1. FML: Was this seriously happening? Seriously? Really? I mean really? No one has ever laid it out like that to me.  AND furthermore, really?! What happened to the great night? FML.
2. Does he have a point?: I think my friends would describe me as someone with a strong and sassy personality, I'm a "yellow/orange" type of person and not a "blue/grey". My job kinda brings out a little control freak in me, maybe not the best trait. Is that a turn off?  Is being direct and strong not attractive?  It is rude? Do I really have a lot of walls up? How guarded am I? Am I pre-destined for spinsterhood?
3. See Ya! Peace Out! You're dumb:  My favorite of all 3 reactions.  I will take what he said and maybe reconsider before I give too many directions on a date and trust the guy a little more.  But something that I do know is that, I can't change myself for a man.  Just like I can't change a man.  My call-it-like-I-see-it, wit, cautiousness, and maternal tendencies are the things I like/love the most about myself.  So why would I go about changing them for some dork in a fancy car with tight-overpriced jeans? I mean really?!


So thank you, Abe for being honest, for the tacos, an amazing concert and for trashing any self doubt that I may have ever had in myself.  O! And for confirming that a deal breaker for me is if a guy checks Facebook and stares his phone during a concert.  It IS rude.


Love to hear your thought. Friends (girls AND GUYS) speak up, be honest ;). Man-friends (men that I have "dated" in the past) you know best about me in these scenarios - leave your thoughts, suggestions etc.


Peace,
Polly

Honest Abe

Honest Abe

Unlike many of my recent dating encounters, this one came along rather as they say so often in Berkeley, “Organically”. Berkeley being the setting of our chance encounter. After chatting briefly at a work-associated cocktail hour I was approached by this friendly 30 something as he placed an extra Speakeasy Prohibition Ale down on the table next me. No words, then he took a seat a few spots away. Tease. I’m in.

Was this handsome feller flirting? No profile pic to review first, no “about me” section to filter thru, no photos of him posing with his dog or on a hike at the peak. Instead, I knew right away with this sly beer drop gesture that he was right down my alley.

Organically the night moved into more libations with colleagues where emails and phones numbers were exchanged professionally with heavy date innuendo. The following few days were filled with silly phone calls and text messages as we set up our master date.

Honest Abe arrived 5 – 10 min late. Lucky for him parking is hard to come by on a sunny day on my street, so I let him slide.

I think because this was one of the few dates in the past year that was asked out on in “Real life” and not on match.com, I was particularly nervous. I must have changed outfits 3 or 4 times and even sought out male-roommate-cute-outfit advice. After settling on snug tan shorts, a tribal halter top, brown wedges and denim jacket I applied my reddest llip gloss, a few splashes of Betsy Johnson and I felt like the best datable form of myself.

Honest Abe is also Mr. Red shiny BMW, perhaps to match my lip gloss. Little did I know that aside from our kismet matching lip and lacquer colour, Honest Abe would then take me on the best AND worst first date ever.

I was greeted by a reassuring “O good I’m still attracted to you hug”. Nice. As we approached the shiny speedster, he tossed out a few suggestions for dinner, sushi, Indian, Chinese …. Or the Ben Harper concert in San Francisco. Utter shock took over my body. I’ll give you one guess as to what I chose. Be still my heart. First date – music – a GREAT band - cute/nice boy… o AND we went to a cute Mexican place that I have been dying to try with TEAL painted walls?! Delicious chili verde tacos were followed by greyhounds at a local favorite bar and then a quick trip on BART to the Warfield. I sweet talked the scalper, he bought the tics, and I bought the first round of drinks and we found our seats just as the honorable Mr. Harper took the stage. We were like an unstoppable team. He was energetic, gentlemanly, excitable, not boring, fun, silly … What could go wrong? You'll have to stay tuned for next time...this is long one...

To Be Continued.

Deep Thoughts by my Big Brother

Polly here! Thanks for viewing, I can't believe how many views I've had ... so I'm going to be selfish and ask you to share with friends so I can get more motivation. TY.

Today's entry will not be featuring a man NOT of the dating/partner/I like you more than a friend/boy variety. Instead I will be focusing in on words wisdom from a very deep brotha.

That would be my brother, my Big Brother, Tommy Boy, Bro, Brah. I thought it only fitting to name this post, "Deep Thoughts", after a favorite skit that I remember watching as a kid on SNL with my brother man. But really I was inspired to write this after a conversation with my him ... and lets just say ... it got deep.

Well as conversations often do with him we got off on some tangent where we were sure that our opinions would solve all of the worlds problems and that we of course know all.

If you know myself or my brother you know that we are not the preachy type, but honestly we were really onto something.

The topic ... of course. Dating and relationships.

At times it has felt that my brother and I have been under the proverbial magnifying glass about our relationship status. Me, single as usual. Him, in a long distance relationship.

The question that prompted this conversation was, "Why do we get into relationships?

Big Brother's answer - "Endorphin's,". His opinion, to which I agree slightly, (and the girl in me will keep me from agreeing completely) is that the reason we feel so strongly about the people we meet is really just a chemical reaction. The excitement is derived from a chemical reaction of something new, something different, mysterious, provoking, interesting - that ladies and gents is our endorphines according to this prophet.

Is that why so many of us end up in the wrong relationships? I'll be the first to admit, been there done that. As my brother makes this argument, I can agree that my endorphines or initial excitement about that person is primarily drew me like a laser beam to that relationship.

The "newness" of all it at first, swept me away and blinded me from the realities or the non-endorphine life that everyone else was living around me.

As I thought more and more about this, I saw a similar pattern with men that I just minorly dated and really only moderately liked.

So because I have not made it to the glorious land of monogamy I assume that maybe there is some truth in this.

So then how will I know if I really do meet someone ... someone that make me feel uncontrollably different that anyone else? OR will it just be the endorphins?

OR take this thought even deeper... Obviously these silly little intriguing tickling and teasing emotions have worn off in my past. I'm going to call my past or experience with men, "Man Time," from here on out.

So in my Man Time, this theory actually stands true. Yes, it is all endorphines and nothing else. My Man Time has brought me some not so great and some really good men. However, past that stage of excitement they haven't so much turned out...so I can't remember what my brothers conclusion was ... but mine is - this must be what all those love birds say, "You will know it when you meet them,"... jury is still out on that one.

Coming soon ...

-The big debate - to take match profile down or not?

- Anxious, Aggressive, ADD Andy

- Tales from my Single Sisters

With Love,

Polly

Whiskey or Gin or Neither?

Taking life by the Handle Bars I felt inspired a few months ago. So inspired the next date I went on was with a young chap from across the pond. Gareth. Yes, Gareth. Yes, it gets better.

Gareth is from England and lives in Sacramento but works in SF most work/weekdays. I thought … what an interesting situation that would be? I love Sac and SF. Enjoy a nice boy when I go to visit the Sac family? Why not? Right?

So Gareth and I did the standard Match Messaging Shuffle then traded numbers and picked a night to meet.

I was surprised when he actually called and didn't send a text message. (Thats a big one boys).

We planned on meeting up at some random restaurant near the Financial District.

Things went great, easy convo, some banter and an affinity for the brown gold. Whiskey, Scotch, Bourbon … whatev. But we both liked it.

This led to a 2nd bar and my first Double Malt Scotch tasting.

This then led to the turn off …

He shook hands with the bartender for giving us a free round and introduced himself as "Gaz". Apparently "Gaz" is the short for Gareth to the Brits. (?) I looked puzzled when he told me and then in efforts to convince me he pulled down his lower lip to reveal a tattoo of said nickname. Yes, he had his strange nickname tattooed on the inside of his mouth.

You all know that I find nothing wrong with tattoos and support them fully. But, seriously? Seriously? I mean really? Really?

Anyways … we wrapped the night well and had a great time with Gaz … however I think the state of utter shock resinated with the both of us and we did not met up again.

A few weeks later I went met up with a nice, cornfed, boy from the midwest by way of San Diego at the Gold Dust in Union Square. (The Gold Dust has seen Jen n Friends at some of our finest moments. So I was thrilled that he choose this as our starting spot.)

Patrick drank Gin because his grandmother always did. That was a first.

As restaurant opener in the bay area he knew of a lot of places to grab a bite so we headed to Anchor and Hope. Amazing Seafood. And that was it…thats all. No more. No less. Amazing Seafood and a few Gins for him and Whiskey for me. Great guy but didn't quite "fit". Cheers and Good luck to you!

Positive Play

The positive play on these scenarios is … well … it didn't hurt. Instead I met some nice people I wouldn't have met otherwise, had a good time, learned a few things … most importantly that I will aways enjoy Whiskey with Jen…not Gin.

Life by the Handle Bars

Typing to tunes: Cause = Time by Broken Social Scene, Intro by The Xx, Rest My Chemistry by Interpol

Hi there dearest friends, readers, strangers…this blog moment finds me typing to tunes after a VERY long weekend in Denver. I’m pretty much a zombie after the past few days of work, sleep anxiety, funx and sunshine.

This long weekend backs up to a very busy Thursday Cinco de Mayo with last minute packing and event prep for our race in Denver. After packing up the last of my clipboards, double sided tape and sharpies I had an impromtu guest and celebrated the Cinco with a few Pacificos, and Lake lights. What seemed like just a few hours later … (o wait b/c it was) I caught my flight at 6:15 AM…special shout out to my Dog Nick for waking up at the butt crack to drop me off.

From the moment I landed it was work work work till the race wrapped at round 4:00pm on Saturday … and from there … it was … well … que loco. Beer, whiskey, fire fighers, whiskey, red bull, ninja turtles, jager, Spike, Tuaca, beer, dancing, a house party, lost sunglasses, sandles and my mind. I will leave you with that sentence to describe my weekend and let you fill in the blanks. My own personal version of mad libs.

For now, onto perhaps more interesting topics – Where was I with my Match.com escapades…o Yes, I teased you with a few names. Today I’ll introduce you to “Handle Bars”.

O boy. Mr. Handle Bars is an engineer from Berkeley and like a few others I have chatted with, he’s from the Mid West. We met for drinks at a bar in Oakland and preceded to have great conversation … all the typical first date stuff…family, friends, work, religion, music, sports, life…but…he had a Mustache. Not just any Mustache but the most ridiculous mustache that it was a cross between a handle bar mustache and the mustache that curls up. Some of you have heard my rants about mustaches…I think they are awful. I also think they are hilarious, a great party theme. There are some men that can pull it off honestly. But this whole “trend” of growing out your facial hair when in result you only look creepy and probably ½ as attractive as you really are … I don’t get it.

I couldn’t take him serious at all and the “chemistry” just wasn’t there. I can’t help but wonder if it was because of the stache?

Positive Play Well … a few things I learned from this first and only date with Handle Bars…

1. I don’t like mustaches (note: I fully support beards and goats)

2. “You can take the girl from the country, but you can’t take the country out of the girl”. As I have continued to put myself “out there” and date I have started to really listen to myself talk and I can see how much of a “small town girl” I am. Or rather the values I hold are in a way telling of my roots and where I come from. The Country.

Handle Bars and I had a lot of viewpoints in common on anything from music to communicating, to our relationships with our parents to money and religion. He mentioned a few times how familiar I sounded, like I was from his small town in Ohio. So I guess, the Positive Play with this guy, is that it didn’t hurt. Instead it was helpful in painting a picture of who I am perceived to be….and the best part is, that I like that person.

Cheers,

Polly

It Is What It Is...

Posting Breather - yes I have missed a week or two ... SORRY. But I can explain, I swear, some happenings and thoughts of my current dating life, enjoy:

1. The Curse - I feel like I have a strange curse. The really, really, “great first date” curse. I know I know - strange right? Well, for those of you that know me, you would probably concur that I am social and very conversational and am also not crazy or a total bitch. I always try/offer to pay my ½ of the bill and I ALWAYS shower before ;). I have been very lucky with most of the men that I have gone on dates with. They are at some rate at the same conversational pace as me – almost ;)

Basically overall providing for an entertaining, engaging, flirtatious and successful first dates. I feel that I can easily get swayed by this first date fog, because sooner than later you’ll realize … O we aren’t that compatible. So now I contemplate - are feeling after the first date just to be ignored, and if I have a good enough time I schedule dates 2 and 3 and then start the emotional/chemical judgements? And this leads me to reason #2 for my breather.

2. It Is What It Is - This phrase “It is what it is” – reminds me of one silly afternoon in my favorite house in Sacramento with Gina. We were “playing” and somehow she made the most ridiculous use of this phrase with hand motions-o-plenty – that it still cracks me up. Annnyways, that has nothing to do with any of this. But I bring this phrase up after my other bestie made a comment after my first posting of my dating series “Mr. Cherry”. She loves me and I do her, what she said struck me, this is her comment:

“I think we can do better with the "Positive" posts honey. How is reading about dating bombs uplifting? Maybe change the name of your blog? I don't feel a "dose of positive reinforcement" when I read about the douchebags mama, it's kinda sad.”

At first I thought what she said was brutal…it wasn’t. It was her being honest and encouraging me – which I am so grateful for in a friend. This comment made me want to take a breather and explain my purpose for basically revealing all and potentially humiliating myself (;)).

This is Dating. It Is What It Is.

Instead of being who I have been before, and bashing any man that didn’t work out, which is ultimately the definition of Negative, I would try and analyze and find the “Silver Lining” to these experiences. B/c lets be real here … This is Dating. It Is What It Is. Most out of 10, are not going to work out … and I think that ratio might be a lil forgiving as well. But instead of thinking about it in terms of – how depressing it is to think, “most men I date will not amount to anything”. YIKES! That sounds awful!

INSTEAD...

I hope that my stories are encouraging and that there is some compassion shared here between hopeful women and men that read this and who feel that they are eternally looking for that special someone.

3. The Current Sitch - The other reason for the breather … I’m a busy girl b/c I updated some photos to my match profile … HA/jokes! Stay tuned for more dating do-zies and don’t-sies. Here are a few of them by name…

The Brit, Handle Bars, Jake Ryan, “The guy I just want to drink Whiskey with”, and The Neighboy

Thanks for reading … love to have comments so leave your thoughts, advice etc.!

The Manager

The Manager

OOoooo the Manager. My Manager, was what kept me busy during and after the Cherry. The Manager was also someone that I have met in person before however we didn’t know that until we reacquainted ourselves through a Match Chat. The Manager, was as you can imagine a Manager of a restaurant in the city that I held an event at. I remember meeting him the first time at my event and desperately trying to flirt with him and his teal colored tie … you know my weakness for this color.

Flash forward to meeting him for a 2^nd time, this time virtually. The Manager was eager to set something up. We went for 1^st date sushi, 2^nd date game night, and then 3^rd date drinks … and then we moved to our phones. No, not speaking on the phone, but texting … a lot of it. The Manager had me texting with him about the most random stuff ever, yet we hadn’t made it past 4 official dates. Via text I learned (& saw through text photos) what he would have for dinner, him on vacation in Miami, what type of underwear he wears, how many beers he had, how hung over he was, his snuggie, how late he had to work… and on and on…yet he didn’t pull the trigger to hang out. He was that busy, … strike #1.

Moving on to strike #2, the conversation chemistry just wasn’t there. Me being someone that could talk my own ear off, I need someone who can match me or at least keep the convo going. I would ask a question and he go on and on but not return the question – conversation etiquette 101 buddy. Strike #3, was on our 5^th or 6^th date (yea we eventually met up a few more times after a long period of lagging). At dinner, he dropped sooo many F bombs and centered the conversation around getting fucked up and getting high. Sure I can/have/and do those things from time to time. But, I do not make them the forefront of my personality nor do I shout about it over dinner. Like I said Strike #3. He was out.

Positive Play

I'm going to take it back to Strike #1 - really where I should have stopped and known. Concerned about why he isn’t asking me out AKA pulling the trigger … lets assess the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule of dating (thank you girlfriends for reminding me of this one): If he wants to hang out with you, he will make it happen. Period.

The Manager didn't so much live up to the Golden Rule. AND the silver lining here is, that is okay. Because when I think about it, I wasn't crushing on him. Meaning everytime my phone pinged, my whole body didn't jerk and snag my phone looking in hopes of a text message from him. Lets be honest we have all had those "ones". Where everytime the screen lights up we hope its "him". If anything I was ready for him to just get off the pot and stop texting me.

In the end, I think we were both doing the same thing for each other. We weren’t head over heels for one another, but both decent enough people to keep around in the texting rotation that fills up our days. I hate to say it, but we have either done that or know someone who has ... basically kept someone on text rotation. In the hopper, on deck, warming up ... basically that source of attention that we have some need to tap every once in awhile. The thing that I realized was ... Meh, O well. He was a great player, but just minor league...not The Show...

You're welcome for all of the baseball references, opening day is right around the corner. Go Giants. And if you go to Giants games this year, you might find The Manager at a popular restaurant by the park ... he'll be the one that is very busy with the teal tie. ;)

Cheers,

Polly

Mr. Cherry

As promised I will be regaling you all of my dating doozies from Match.com - here it goes.

The Cherry

I will refer to this suitor as my “Cherry”. My first Match.com date went off with a bang with Mr. Cherry – pun intended. An afternoon meet up in the Mission ended in me rushing to catch the last BART train home to the East Bay at midnight. A Sunday beer enjoying a nice patio with bashful first date conversation and questions concluded in late night cocktails and spicy Brazilian dancing. An exciting success that reminded me of how it felt once upon a time when I was young and just talking with boys made me get the butterflies.

This Cherry was of the nice, gentlemanly Midwest breed with a splash of spunk, a whole lot of mystery and topped it off with a great taste in music. I’ve learned that if I connect with someone on a music beat, it enhances the – for lack of a better word – chemistry. Our adventures were a sweet combination of “gchat” messages that relentlessly kept me blushing and an easy drinking partner. Getting emails of zipped music files from him were in essence the new age flower delivery service. Instead of a bouquet, I would get the new aromas of Arcade Fire and the Black Keys, which to me is better than roses.

And…this sweetness believe it or not carried on for about 3 months…not “long”, I know, but not bad for my first shot on this site.

In the end, after a burlesque show and one dramatic greyhound infused phone call (don’t ask), my Cherry Boy, wasn’t ready for me and instead his heart was with someone else. A bit of an ego bruiser, but nonetheless a good guy with some more than great skills and of course … a great taste in music.

Positive Play - My Positive Play is going to be where I showcase my take away and my learning from this experience/individual. No how big/small or short/long the situation is, the Positive Play section is where I will, find the silver lining.

I learned a few things from My Cherry. A new love of a few bands that I hadn’t heard of before, how to use my DropBox, Bernal Heights is beautiful, I actually do like eggs Benedict … and a few more serious notes.

To not fall victim to the trap of “playing it cool”.

There were a few instances where I sensed something was not quite right with the boy. Instead of just confronting the issue, I held back and tried to “play it cool,” not come off like the needy girl or look vulnerable or god forbid, actually come off like I Liked Him.

I learned from this to be honest with him … and more importantly be honest with myself. I did like him, I really liked the idea of him, but I knew he was somewhere else. Which is/was fine/acceptable/okay.

But the fact that I/we both tried to play it cool, prolonged the inevitable. Hence I have learned (still learning this is a hard one) that aside from the awesome music, silly chemical banter and lovely snuggles and hand holding – I have to be honest with myself and look at this person and see if they really want me. Wow I just said that. Thanks boy.

Another one bites the dust. Stay tuned next time, there are more boys where this came from.

You Go Boy...

As a preview to my dating doozies I have put together some of the latest (not even the best) messages that I have received on Match. I am not doing this to be an asshole, I'm doing this for 2 reasons:

1. A simple insight to all of you out there

2. Most Importantly, "You Go Boys" ... some of this stuff takes some serious huevos to say. So even though some of these messages weirded and creeped me out, I will still tip my hat to their "ambitious nature".

Past Messages (Note, they refer to me as my Match username, "PrettyAwesomeOne"... try and keep up. I have also listed their usernames as well. Enjoy:

Vrungel - 37 from Walnut Creek

Subject Line: People who are happy with who they are frighten...

People who are happy with who they are frighten me! ... And the huge sunglasses do not look good on you! ... You seem to be a cool person but for some reason I want to get into a verbal fight with you...

California_Moe 27 from Oakland

(No Subject)

hi pretty awesome, so how was ur day ?? hope it was good and u joined this nice weather today :)
I read your profile and took a look at your pics am really interested to know u more ,plus i really like short women, easy to carry her ! and when she start yelling on me in the street am just gonna put her on my shoulder and walk, its easy ;) , we really can do alot of things together , we can cook together , i really love to cook , and why not to go and explore some new areas or some new restaurants together ? or discover the sky by skydiving ;)
would like to meet u if there is any chance .
look forward to hear from u seriously am really interested

hotnhandsm 34 from Santa Clara

Subject Line: That million watt smile will light up an entire...

That million watt smile will light up an entire...

Are you a shy person around a hot and handsome guy like me?

- Harnish

ajmateo7 - 34 from San Mateo

(No Subject)

Im sitting here thinking how to describe myself to you..but how many ways can I use the word awesome in a sentence?? Jesus! Ha.

_______

Thoughts? Comments? Opinions?

I think we can all agree that California_Moe 27 from Oakland might have been the most "unique".

FML,

;) Polly

Back by Popular Demand …

Apparently my blog post entitled “Boys and Girls,” was a popular one and I’ve had requests to continue in that fashion. Sure, why not. So once again, I get to decompress my dating doozies in a public forum … and hopefully I don’t sound crazy … b/c I’m not … well a lil crazy never hurt no body ;).

A true blog master and a “Call it like I see it” – “don’t take no shit from anyone” type of gal has to be referenced first and foremost for her dating and match.com escapades.

Check my Breezy out at: My Vagina Monoblogs -http://datingdiary.wordpress.com/

If you’re into this…then you will be into her vagina…errr ya know.

So since my viewpoints on dating and mental mind trickery captivated my lil nitch of friends, I will continue.

To bring you up to speed and to clearly have no shame whatsoever I am announcing that I have officially been “dating” on Match.com. How did this happen?

Wellllll...a bottle of wine may or may not have been involved. It was a rainy Sunday in December. From the looks of it, it could have been a harmless Sunday Funday at home. But no, I pulled a very serious trigger. Somewhere between ¾ of the bottle down and a few helpings of peanut butter, I purchased a dating pool. A dating pool that has served to be incredibly diverse and interesting, I will admit that I probably wouldn’t have met most of the people that I have virtually dated through “winks” “favorite-ing” and messaging by just the stars aligning.

I honestly have no problem with online dating, I’ve had a positive experience with it prior to Match, however, what I always had a problem with was the “paying” for the service. Because trust me, that annoying chick from Millionaire Matchmaker is not inviting me to her office to orchestrate a meet n greet of my potential matches. Instead we pay for dating pool on clever taglines, photos, winks, ‘about me”, “about my date”, and daily “matches” emails.

I have fallen trap to it, and I can confidently say that at least I am doing this with the best odds of hopefully meeting someone cool that has some things in common and that has better intentions that the asshole that tried grabbing my legs at the bar the other night. SO I took the plunge and purchased a 1 month membership, with a First Time User additional complimentary month. That was followed by a brief period of not logging in and letting my account go inactive, then swiftly returning and reactivating. Details forthcoming.

It has been an adventure to say the least and boy have I met some interesting boys, all of which I have learned something from.

For today I will leave you with that and next time I will introduce you to my gentlemen callers, anonymously of course. I think my Match profile actually references Positive Polly Posts, got to gain readers somehow ;)

;) Polly

Praise Jesus

I’m finding myself getting inspired more and more by my friends and family. This blog entry was inspired by VERY different things/people/occurrences.

But the commonality between both of them funny enough is … Jesus.

For some strange reason when I type or say “Jesus” a few things come to mind, and just the thoughts entertain me, enjoy:

-Advent Program as a young kid at St. Mary’s school. St. Mary’s annual advent program was really a 4^th grader’s religious fashion show. As young, cubby and unsure of who-she-would-be-one-day girl, I would beg and plead with my mom for a new Christmas dress to wear to the advent program – a night to celebrate in song, the birth of …you know it, everyone’s favorite baby in a manger, Jesus.

- High School days…o yes I followed Jesus to HS. This time as a-bit-more-assure-of-herself teenager, my reference point for Jesus was more of a remembrance of our World Religions class with Mr. Monfett. A strange but interesting and experienced man that I had a hard time impressing - probably because I started to question Jesus and not just dress for him.

- HS/College: “Look Look its JESUS!!” many a slumber party with a few select girlfriends watching The Sweetest Thing...here is the link to part I’m referencing.

- Now: Now, Jesus reminds me of … Jesus. Well not Jesus Christo but my friend Jesus (“hey-sus”). A great person and friend dropped some scripture on me the other day and as usual when I type these lengthy passages, I felt inspired. Now as an as-sure-as-she-has-ever-been-of-herself, I find my friends, family and experiences as my prophets, apostles, commandments, creed, code, church, Eucharist, reconciliation, and religion.

Jesus (friend), said this to me the other day and it stuck with me for some reason.

Jesus – “shit doesn't work out for a reason, found that out the hard way...if you don't wipe it clean that shit it will just spread and it gets even messier.”

ISN’T THAT GREAT!? I mean, really?! It’s really a sophisticated “Shit Happens” anecdote. If something isn’t perfect, or if life comes raining down (as it can sometimes)...Clean that shit up. Clean up the mess that you may find yourself in. If you don’t and expect the shit/mess/crappy thing to just disappear on its own, it won’t.

Clean up that shit because if you don’t…it will spread and who knows who you will be then – then it could get really messy.

I think it is too easy for us to sit back and point to things/circumstance/issues/people/etc and try to blame them for our “messes” that we find ourselves in. Through what Jesus said, I think that instead of trying to pass blame, as it may seem easier, I should just accept situations and challenges for what they are … and just move forward. Do a personal “clean up” and have faith in yourself.

I believe very much in faith in fate. Faith in my own fate, faith in who I am and how I lead my life. Faith in those things that affect me, faith in my family, friends and experiences. Faith in me. If you’re wondering what those words mean on my foot, well that should give you an idea.

So I may have a few different interpretations or what "Jesus" means or least reminds me of. But I hope that at the end of the day, I can faith in me to clean up the messes that I may find myself in. Or at least try and make it smell better.

"With a perspective",

Polly

Boys and Girls

Typing to Tunes: Hey Boy - The Blow, The Time is Now - Moloko, Love's Almighty - Telepopmusik, Longest Road - Morgan Page

SO...this is going to be a fun blog. Because as you would know if you read my blog, I geek out on people, interaction and how we communicate with each other and especially with ourselves. I have been thinking about the content of this impending blog since my walk to work this morning. Here we go.

Groggy morning, slept in, hair wet in a bun, bundled up for brisk walk to BART, coffee tumbler in hand, boomin' head phones to a somewhat new playlist. Lake Merritt is beautiful in the mornings, sun is shining, people are running, the bums are friendly, I'm stomping to the music, The Blow song "Hey Boy" begins to stream through my hot pink and blue headphones.

I have heard this song a million times.

BUT I have yet to really listen to the lyrics and the meaning of the song.

This song is not particularly "deep" or "moving" but I found it funny and insightful and brutally honest. 2 things I like very much in just about anything.

So here are the lyrics and I will walk you through them with my thoughts and feedback if your interested in TEAL. If not, I have included a link to the music video. Check it.

It may help to listen along with the lyrics.

Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call

Like in the video, why is it that, lets be honest ladies...we have waited for the phone/email to ring. We have sat in bed at night wondering. No, we are not crazy for doing this...but we do it and it's torture. Not all boys put us through this torture (boys don't flatter yourself). What is funny is that "waited for days" is somewhat true. Everyday that goes by that they don't call, we think crazy ridiculous things like "O well maybe he didn't want to call to soon". "Maybe he's busy." "But wait, did I say something weird". "Why wouldn't he call, doesn't he want to just talk to me?". Torture.

A. You're gay
B. You've got a girlfriend
C. You kinda thought I came on too strong or
D. I just wasn't your thing
no ring

Yes, I have encountered all of the above. Truly. A. I have gone out with 1 (maybe 2) boys that were clearly gay or very confused. B. Yes, I have gone out on a first date with a guy with a girlfriend - man I wish he read this blog. C. I'm SURE I have come on too strong, and D. well thats the "He's Just Not That Into You" reasoning and yes I have read that book and thank god for it. Thank you Karen for making me read it in college. Listening to the song list her mental multiple choice game as to why the "boy" hadn't called feels very...familiar.

Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call

When we sat outside for an hour at the party and talked
I thought something good could be starting
It's not a lot that I want
just some talking
and really, you just injured my pride

O boy o boy. Have we all heard our girlfriends say some version of the lines above.

"But he said...." "and we talked forever, ya know just talked" "I think he was really listening."

When we say these things, the crazy meters shoots to red and we automatically look like we want to take them home to meet mom and dad. But in reality (once we get our head out of the clouds) "Its not a lot that we want" ... we just really thought something good could be starting. But why do we think that automatically...it turns to "something could be starting". Why are we so convinced that something is starting...why couldn't it just be a normal friendly conversation? Torture.

But in the end the next day or the standard 3 day waiting period...our pride is injured. Our hope for "something good" and that doesn't turn out, we are let down and our pride is injured. But what doesn't make sense is that we set these expectations for hope. Hoping that something good turns out (of nothing) and at some point I think as females we try and just believe that something good will work out. And when that expectations is broken we are well ... like this song.

Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call

Susan said that maybe you're scared
Shelly says there always is a reason
and Chris said you're probably surrounded by girls and I'm just not one of them you're needing

Girls. I know I will never understand boys and I'M SURE they will never understand us. Part of this reasoning is because its not just ourselves that we're talking to. We talk. We're girls. And we talk about boys to our girls. A lot. Like most girls we need to talk about just about everything. The reason we feel this need is b/c we have to throw this crap against someone else and see if it sticks. We have friends like Susan that are sweet and hopeful. They reassure you that the reason he's not calling is because he's scared or doesn't want to scare you away, maybe he's busy, maybe he's just focused on his job, or maybe he just doesn't want to move too fast. Then you have friends like Shelly and Chris. The realists. The friends that just call it like they see it and let you know that hey, get over it, he probably isn't about you, don't obsess, don't take it personal. Easier said than done. I think I have more Susans :). So by talking and talking. We only make the torture worse.

So Polly why are you so inspired from this song?

Well besides The Blow being aaaamazing and the lyrics and the tone of song truly unique...Valentines Day is looming. I hope this blog serves as some positive reenforcement for my single ladies out there. We (present coming included, proudly newly dateless) should NOT look at this day and be sad as so many do. But instead remember to have control of what AND who you want. Yes, we get knocked off and distracted from this confident idea often, I know I have, but let that be only a brief period of dumb girlness and MOVE ON. Learn. Maybe talk to yourself less.:)

Thank you boy, Susan, Shelly and Chris.

Happy Valentines Day ladies, go love yourself.

Love,

Polly