Calling all Boy Bloggers

Calling all Boy Bloggers

For over a year now, ya'll have been listening to me, my viewpoints, my stories, my experiences and hopefully my positive - ity.  I'm trying out a new thing for the next two blogs.  I'd like to invite men, man-friends, boys, males to the conversation.  That's right, a male blog ghost writer, a special guest, a chance for the men to have their take.  I don't need to know you personally.  Or we can also be friends ... or dislike each other.  Either way leave a comment with your information or EMAIL ME with your interest.

Topics can include (however I am open to anything ... get creative.

1.  A man's stories of dating 

2.  A man's experience on Match.com

3.  A man's viewpoint on women and what he wants 

4.  Or really anything revolving around the wonderful world of dating and the doozies it throws you.

My only rules are:

1. You cannot refer to any of your dates or ladies of the night by their real name.

2.  No lady bashing

3.  Have a takeaway ... Positive Play from your experience. 

I'm starting with 2 blogs. LMK ASAP. Leave a comment with your info OR email me by CLICKING HERE.

Honest Abe Part Duex

Welcome back to the tale of Honest Abe.  

STOP - if you have not read Part 1, please scroll down or find it listed to the right of this post. 

As we continue this story I'll give you a refresher - Honest Abe/Mr. Red Shiny BMW took me on a musical adventure for our 1st date - a Ben Harper concert paired w/ delicious tacos and greyhounds at Cafe Von Kleef.  This equates to - magical - top of my list things to-do on a 1st date.  In fact it was a 1st for a 1st date.  I left off with he and I as the perfect team, rocking out to amazing tunes, cheers-ing each other as each song was delivered, making friends w/ fans around us, chit chatting the bartender and enjoying the way he played with the long tips of my hair as sweet ballads filled the auditorium.  It was nice.  I didn't know this guy, yet I was okay in his company.  I didn't feel the normal first date pressure to talk and talk.  It wasn't odd like going to a movie on a first date, it felt comfortable. Best Date EVER right?

There is a reason why I'm referring to him as "Honest Abe" and I will get to that, I promise.  But I will be honest first, even though I have described what seems to be a perfect man, well that wasn't 100% true.
If you know "my type" I generally like them slightly rough around the edges some would say rugged or mountain men.  Honestly, Abe didn't quite meet those standards.  He was a little more "Pretty" and high maintenance than what I normally go for, BUT I'm trying to reach out of my comfort zone. However, he did break some serious concert etiquette.  His phone was out for most of the show, texting and checking Facebook, got up often for beers and kept interrupting others in the aisle. BUT I let it slide, no biggie.

Somewhere between the end of the concert and our BART ride home to Oakland, something went very, very wrong.  So wrong - its probably "right" that it happened.  I knew that we had some cocktails, but I was not past my first date maximum. Anyways I will get to it.  It seemed like a time warp or as if I had suddenly awakened from a blissful dream and found myself in a disastrous reality.  I woke up to a man that was very upset with me. Readers, meet Honest Abe.

He began to list out a series of moments/things/nuances that I had done throughout the night that apparently ruined this date that he had planned.  Unbeknownst to me I had been "directing" him too much and I was making it impossible for us to enjoy our night. Apparently I was,

- Giving alternate driving directions

- Asking where we were going

- Giving BART exit suggestions

- Correcting his directions

- Telling him not worry about where our seats were b/c they were in the upper balcony

- Teasing him about checking facebook during the show
- I wouldn't hold his hand, just a rule of mine I don't hold hands on the first date.
After he unleashed his wrath on me, I being a positive polly tried to to redeem the evening and take what he said into consideration and clean up the vibe by just calling it a misunderstanding. Once we landed back in my hood we went for a night cap.  Perhaps this was bad idea because after that he threw out some real jems.
"I really like you and think we have something great, but if you keep putting these walls up you're never going to find anyone."
and I quote:
"I don't get along with my mother and you remind me of her."


Okay. Somebody was being real honest. 
I had three reactions.  
1. FML
2. Does he have a point?
3. See Ya! Peace Out! You're dumb.


Let's explore these.
1. FML: Was this seriously happening? Seriously? Really? I mean really? No one has ever laid it out like that to me.  AND furthermore, really?! What happened to the great night? FML.
2. Does he have a point?: I think my friends would describe me as someone with a strong and sassy personality, I'm a "yellow/orange" type of person and not a "blue/grey". My job kinda brings out a little control freak in me, maybe not the best trait. Is that a turn off?  Is being direct and strong not attractive?  It is rude? Do I really have a lot of walls up? How guarded am I? Am I pre-destined for spinsterhood?
3. See Ya! Peace Out! You're dumb:  My favorite of all 3 reactions.  I will take what he said and maybe reconsider before I give too many directions on a date and trust the guy a little more.  But something that I do know is that, I can't change myself for a man.  Just like I can't change a man.  My call-it-like-I-see-it, wit, cautiousness, and maternal tendencies are the things I like/love the most about myself.  So why would I go about changing them for some dork in a fancy car with tight-overpriced jeans? I mean really?!


So thank you, Abe for being honest, for the tacos, an amazing concert and for trashing any self doubt that I may have ever had in myself.  O! And for confirming that a deal breaker for me is if a guy checks Facebook and stares his phone during a concert.  It IS rude.


Love to hear your thought. Friends (girls AND GUYS) speak up, be honest ;). Man-friends (men that I have "dated" in the past) you know best about me in these scenarios - leave your thoughts, suggestions etc.


Peace,
Polly

Honest Abe

Honest Abe

Unlike many of my recent dating encounters, this one came along rather as they say so often in Berkeley, “Organically”. Berkeley being the setting of our chance encounter. After chatting briefly at a work-associated cocktail hour I was approached by this friendly 30 something as he placed an extra Speakeasy Prohibition Ale down on the table next me. No words, then he took a seat a few spots away. Tease. I’m in.

Was this handsome feller flirting? No profile pic to review first, no “about me” section to filter thru, no photos of him posing with his dog or on a hike at the peak. Instead, I knew right away with this sly beer drop gesture that he was right down my alley.

Organically the night moved into more libations with colleagues where emails and phones numbers were exchanged professionally with heavy date innuendo. The following few days were filled with silly phone calls and text messages as we set up our master date.

Honest Abe arrived 5 – 10 min late. Lucky for him parking is hard to come by on a sunny day on my street, so I let him slide.

I think because this was one of the few dates in the past year that was asked out on in “Real life” and not on match.com, I was particularly nervous. I must have changed outfits 3 or 4 times and even sought out male-roommate-cute-outfit advice. After settling on snug tan shorts, a tribal halter top, brown wedges and denim jacket I applied my reddest llip gloss, a few splashes of Betsy Johnson and I felt like the best datable form of myself.

Honest Abe is also Mr. Red shiny BMW, perhaps to match my lip gloss. Little did I know that aside from our kismet matching lip and lacquer colour, Honest Abe would then take me on the best AND worst first date ever.

I was greeted by a reassuring “O good I’m still attracted to you hug”. Nice. As we approached the shiny speedster, he tossed out a few suggestions for dinner, sushi, Indian, Chinese …. Or the Ben Harper concert in San Francisco. Utter shock took over my body. I’ll give you one guess as to what I chose. Be still my heart. First date – music – a GREAT band - cute/nice boy… o AND we went to a cute Mexican place that I have been dying to try with TEAL painted walls?! Delicious chili verde tacos were followed by greyhounds at a local favorite bar and then a quick trip on BART to the Warfield. I sweet talked the scalper, he bought the tics, and I bought the first round of drinks and we found our seats just as the honorable Mr. Harper took the stage. We were like an unstoppable team. He was energetic, gentlemanly, excitable, not boring, fun, silly … What could go wrong? You'll have to stay tuned for next time...this is long one...

To Be Continued.

Deep Thoughts by my Big Brother

Polly here! Thanks for viewing, I can't believe how many views I've had ... so I'm going to be selfish and ask you to share with friends so I can get more motivation. TY.

Today's entry will not be featuring a man NOT of the dating/partner/I like you more than a friend/boy variety. Instead I will be focusing in on words wisdom from a very deep brotha.

That would be my brother, my Big Brother, Tommy Boy, Bro, Brah. I thought it only fitting to name this post, "Deep Thoughts", after a favorite skit that I remember watching as a kid on SNL with my brother man. But really I was inspired to write this after a conversation with my him ... and lets just say ... it got deep.

Well as conversations often do with him we got off on some tangent where we were sure that our opinions would solve all of the worlds problems and that we of course know all.

If you know myself or my brother you know that we are not the preachy type, but honestly we were really onto something.

The topic ... of course. Dating and relationships.

At times it has felt that my brother and I have been under the proverbial magnifying glass about our relationship status. Me, single as usual. Him, in a long distance relationship.

The question that prompted this conversation was, "Why do we get into relationships?

Big Brother's answer - "Endorphin's,". His opinion, to which I agree slightly, (and the girl in me will keep me from agreeing completely) is that the reason we feel so strongly about the people we meet is really just a chemical reaction. The excitement is derived from a chemical reaction of something new, something different, mysterious, provoking, interesting - that ladies and gents is our endorphines according to this prophet.

Is that why so many of us end up in the wrong relationships? I'll be the first to admit, been there done that. As my brother makes this argument, I can agree that my endorphines or initial excitement about that person is primarily drew me like a laser beam to that relationship.

The "newness" of all it at first, swept me away and blinded me from the realities or the non-endorphine life that everyone else was living around me.

As I thought more and more about this, I saw a similar pattern with men that I just minorly dated and really only moderately liked.

So because I have not made it to the glorious land of monogamy I assume that maybe there is some truth in this.

So then how will I know if I really do meet someone ... someone that make me feel uncontrollably different that anyone else? OR will it just be the endorphins?

OR take this thought even deeper... Obviously these silly little intriguing tickling and teasing emotions have worn off in my past. I'm going to call my past or experience with men, "Man Time," from here on out.

So in my Man Time, this theory actually stands true. Yes, it is all endorphines and nothing else. My Man Time has brought me some not so great and some really good men. However, past that stage of excitement they haven't so much turned out...so I can't remember what my brothers conclusion was ... but mine is - this must be what all those love birds say, "You will know it when you meet them,"... jury is still out on that one.

Coming soon ...

-The big debate - to take match profile down or not?

- Anxious, Aggressive, ADD Andy

- Tales from my Single Sisters

With Love,

Polly

Whiskey or Gin or Neither?

Taking life by the Handle Bars I felt inspired a few months ago. So inspired the next date I went on was with a young chap from across the pond. Gareth. Yes, Gareth. Yes, it gets better.

Gareth is from England and lives in Sacramento but works in SF most work/weekdays. I thought … what an interesting situation that would be? I love Sac and SF. Enjoy a nice boy when I go to visit the Sac family? Why not? Right?

So Gareth and I did the standard Match Messaging Shuffle then traded numbers and picked a night to meet.

I was surprised when he actually called and didn't send a text message. (Thats a big one boys).

We planned on meeting up at some random restaurant near the Financial District.

Things went great, easy convo, some banter and an affinity for the brown gold. Whiskey, Scotch, Bourbon … whatev. But we both liked it.

This led to a 2nd bar and my first Double Malt Scotch tasting.

This then led to the turn off …

He shook hands with the bartender for giving us a free round and introduced himself as "Gaz". Apparently "Gaz" is the short for Gareth to the Brits. (?) I looked puzzled when he told me and then in efforts to convince me he pulled down his lower lip to reveal a tattoo of said nickname. Yes, he had his strange nickname tattooed on the inside of his mouth.

You all know that I find nothing wrong with tattoos and support them fully. But, seriously? Seriously? I mean really? Really?

Anyways … we wrapped the night well and had a great time with Gaz … however I think the state of utter shock resinated with the both of us and we did not met up again.

A few weeks later I went met up with a nice, cornfed, boy from the midwest by way of San Diego at the Gold Dust in Union Square. (The Gold Dust has seen Jen n Friends at some of our finest moments. So I was thrilled that he choose this as our starting spot.)

Patrick drank Gin because his grandmother always did. That was a first.

As restaurant opener in the bay area he knew of a lot of places to grab a bite so we headed to Anchor and Hope. Amazing Seafood. And that was it…thats all. No more. No less. Amazing Seafood and a few Gins for him and Whiskey for me. Great guy but didn't quite "fit". Cheers and Good luck to you!

Positive Play

The positive play on these scenarios is … well … it didn't hurt. Instead I met some nice people I wouldn't have met otherwise, had a good time, learned a few things … most importantly that I will aways enjoy Whiskey with Jen…not Gin.

Life by the Handle Bars

Typing to tunes: Cause = Time by Broken Social Scene, Intro by The Xx, Rest My Chemistry by Interpol

Hi there dearest friends, readers, strangers…this blog moment finds me typing to tunes after a VERY long weekend in Denver. I’m pretty much a zombie after the past few days of work, sleep anxiety, funx and sunshine.

This long weekend backs up to a very busy Thursday Cinco de Mayo with last minute packing and event prep for our race in Denver. After packing up the last of my clipboards, double sided tape and sharpies I had an impromtu guest and celebrated the Cinco with a few Pacificos, and Lake lights. What seemed like just a few hours later … (o wait b/c it was) I caught my flight at 6:15 AM…special shout out to my Dog Nick for waking up at the butt crack to drop me off.

From the moment I landed it was work work work till the race wrapped at round 4:00pm on Saturday … and from there … it was … well … que loco. Beer, whiskey, fire fighers, whiskey, red bull, ninja turtles, jager, Spike, Tuaca, beer, dancing, a house party, lost sunglasses, sandles and my mind. I will leave you with that sentence to describe my weekend and let you fill in the blanks. My own personal version of mad libs.

For now, onto perhaps more interesting topics – Where was I with my Match.com escapades…o Yes, I teased you with a few names. Today I’ll introduce you to “Handle Bars”.

O boy. Mr. Handle Bars is an engineer from Berkeley and like a few others I have chatted with, he’s from the Mid West. We met for drinks at a bar in Oakland and preceded to have great conversation … all the typical first date stuff…family, friends, work, religion, music, sports, life…but…he had a Mustache. Not just any Mustache but the most ridiculous mustache that it was a cross between a handle bar mustache and the mustache that curls up. Some of you have heard my rants about mustaches…I think they are awful. I also think they are hilarious, a great party theme. There are some men that can pull it off honestly. But this whole “trend” of growing out your facial hair when in result you only look creepy and probably ½ as attractive as you really are … I don’t get it.

I couldn’t take him serious at all and the “chemistry” just wasn’t there. I can’t help but wonder if it was because of the stache?

Positive Play Well … a few things I learned from this first and only date with Handle Bars…

1. I don’t like mustaches (note: I fully support beards and goats)

2. “You can take the girl from the country, but you can’t take the country out of the girl”. As I have continued to put myself “out there” and date I have started to really listen to myself talk and I can see how much of a “small town girl” I am. Or rather the values I hold are in a way telling of my roots and where I come from. The Country.

Handle Bars and I had a lot of viewpoints in common on anything from music to communicating, to our relationships with our parents to money and religion. He mentioned a few times how familiar I sounded, like I was from his small town in Ohio. So I guess, the Positive Play with this guy, is that it didn’t hurt. Instead it was helpful in painting a picture of who I am perceived to be….and the best part is, that I like that person.

Cheers,

Polly

It Is What It Is...

Posting Breather - yes I have missed a week or two ... SORRY. But I can explain, I swear, some happenings and thoughts of my current dating life, enjoy:

1. The Curse - I feel like I have a strange curse. The really, really, “great first date” curse. I know I know - strange right? Well, for those of you that know me, you would probably concur that I am social and very conversational and am also not crazy or a total bitch. I always try/offer to pay my ½ of the bill and I ALWAYS shower before ;). I have been very lucky with most of the men that I have gone on dates with. They are at some rate at the same conversational pace as me – almost ;)

Basically overall providing for an entertaining, engaging, flirtatious and successful first dates. I feel that I can easily get swayed by this first date fog, because sooner than later you’ll realize … O we aren’t that compatible. So now I contemplate - are feeling after the first date just to be ignored, and if I have a good enough time I schedule dates 2 and 3 and then start the emotional/chemical judgements? And this leads me to reason #2 for my breather.

2. It Is What It Is - This phrase “It is what it is” – reminds me of one silly afternoon in my favorite house in Sacramento with Gina. We were “playing” and somehow she made the most ridiculous use of this phrase with hand motions-o-plenty – that it still cracks me up. Annnyways, that has nothing to do with any of this. But I bring this phrase up after my other bestie made a comment after my first posting of my dating series “Mr. Cherry”. She loves me and I do her, what she said struck me, this is her comment:

“I think we can do better with the "Positive" posts honey. How is reading about dating bombs uplifting? Maybe change the name of your blog? I don't feel a "dose of positive reinforcement" when I read about the douchebags mama, it's kinda sad.”

At first I thought what she said was brutal…it wasn’t. It was her being honest and encouraging me – which I am so grateful for in a friend. This comment made me want to take a breather and explain my purpose for basically revealing all and potentially humiliating myself (;)).

This is Dating. It Is What It Is.

Instead of being who I have been before, and bashing any man that didn’t work out, which is ultimately the definition of Negative, I would try and analyze and find the “Silver Lining” to these experiences. B/c lets be real here … This is Dating. It Is What It Is. Most out of 10, are not going to work out … and I think that ratio might be a lil forgiving as well. But instead of thinking about it in terms of – how depressing it is to think, “most men I date will not amount to anything”. YIKES! That sounds awful!

INSTEAD...

I hope that my stories are encouraging and that there is some compassion shared here between hopeful women and men that read this and who feel that they are eternally looking for that special someone.

3. The Current Sitch - The other reason for the breather … I’m a busy girl b/c I updated some photos to my match profile … HA/jokes! Stay tuned for more dating do-zies and don’t-sies. Here are a few of them by name…

The Brit, Handle Bars, Jake Ryan, “The guy I just want to drink Whiskey with”, and The Neighboy

Thanks for reading … love to have comments so leave your thoughts, advice etc.!