Welcome back to the tale of Honest Abe.
STOP - if you have not read Part 1, please scroll down or find it listed to the right of this post.
As we continue this story I'll give you a refresher - Honest Abe/Mr. Red Shiny BMW took me on a musical adventure for our 1st date - a Ben Harper concert paired w/ delicious tacos and greyhounds at Cafe Von Kleef. This equates to - magical - top of my list things to-do on a 1st date. In fact it was a 1st for a 1st date. I left off with he and I as the perfect team, rocking out to amazing tunes, cheers-ing each other as each song was delivered, making friends w/ fans around us, chit chatting the bartender and enjoying the way he played with the long tips of my hair as sweet ballads filled the auditorium. It was nice. I didn't know this guy, yet I was okay in his company. I didn't feel the normal first date pressure to talk and talk. It wasn't odd like going to a movie on a first date, it felt comfortable. Best Date EVER right?
There is a reason why I'm referring to him as "Honest Abe" and I will get to that, I promise. But I will be honest first, even though I have described what seems to be a perfect man, well that wasn't 100% true.
If you know "my type" I generally like them slightly rough around the edges some would say rugged or mountain men. Honestly, Abe didn't quite meet those standards. He was a little more "Pretty" and high maintenance than what I normally go for, BUT I'm trying to reach out of my comfort zone. However, he did break some serious concert etiquette. His phone was out for most of the show, texting and checking Facebook, got up often for beers and kept interrupting others in the aisle. BUT I let it slide, no biggie.
If you know "my type" I generally like them slightly rough around the edges some would say rugged or mountain men. Honestly, Abe didn't quite meet those standards. He was a little more "Pretty" and high maintenance than what I normally go for, BUT I'm trying to reach out of my comfort zone. However, he did break some serious concert etiquette. His phone was out for most of the show, texting and checking Facebook, got up often for beers and kept interrupting others in the aisle. BUT I let it slide, no biggie.
Somewhere between the end of the concert and our BART ride home to Oakland, something went very, very wrong. So wrong - its probably "right" that it happened. I knew that we had some cocktails, but I was not past my first date maximum. Anyways I will get to it. It seemed like a time warp or as if I had suddenly awakened from a blissful dream and found myself in a disastrous reality. I woke up to a man that was very upset with me. Readers, meet Honest Abe.
He began to list out a series of moments/things/nuances that I had done throughout the night that apparently ruined this date that he had planned. Unbeknownst to me I had been "directing" him too much and I was making it impossible for us to enjoy our night. Apparently I was,
- Giving alternate driving directions
- Asking where we were going
- Giving BART exit suggestions
- Correcting his directions
- Telling him not worry about where our seats were b/c they were in the upper balcony
- Teasing him about checking facebook during the show
- I wouldn't hold his hand, just a rule of mine I don't hold hands on the first date.
After he unleashed his wrath on me, I being a positive polly tried to to redeem the evening and take what he said into consideration and clean up the vibe by just calling it a misunderstanding. Once we landed back in my hood we went for a night cap. Perhaps this was bad idea because after that he threw out some real jems.
"I really like you and think we have something great, but if you keep putting these walls up you're never going to find anyone."
and I quote:
"I don't get along with my mother and you remind me of her."
Okay. Somebody was being real honest.
I had three reactions.
1. FML
2. Does he have a point?
3. See Ya! Peace Out! You're dumb.
Let's explore these.
1. FML: Was this seriously happening? Seriously? Really? I mean really? No one has ever laid it out like that to me. AND furthermore, really?! What happened to the great night? FML.
2. Does he have a point?: I think my friends would describe me as someone with a strong and sassy personality, I'm a "yellow/orange" type of person and not a "blue/grey". My job kinda brings out a little control freak in me, maybe not the best trait. Is that a turn off? Is being direct and strong not attractive? It is rude? Do I really have a lot of walls up? How guarded am I? Am I pre-destined for spinsterhood?
3. See Ya! Peace Out! You're dumb: My favorite of all 3 reactions. I will take what he said and maybe reconsider before I give too many directions on a date and trust the guy a little more. But something that I do know is that, I can't change myself for a man. Just like I can't change a man. My call-it-like-I-see-it, wit, cautiousness, and maternal tendencies are the things I like/love the most about myself. So why would I go about changing them for some dork in a fancy car with tight-overpriced jeans? I mean really?!
So thank you, Abe for being honest, for the tacos, an amazing concert and for trashing any self doubt that I may have ever had in myself. O! And for confirming that a deal breaker for me is if a guy checks Facebook and stares his phone during a concert. It IS rude.
Love to hear your thought. Friends (girls AND GUYS) speak up, be honest ;). Man-friends (men that I have "dated" in the past) you know best about me in these scenarios - leave your thoughts, suggestions etc.
Peace,
Polly
- I wouldn't hold his hand, just a rule of mine I don't hold hands on the first date.
After he unleashed his wrath on me, I being a positive polly tried to to redeem the evening and take what he said into consideration and clean up the vibe by just calling it a misunderstanding. Once we landed back in my hood we went for a night cap. Perhaps this was bad idea because after that he threw out some real jems.
"I really like you and think we have something great, but if you keep putting these walls up you're never going to find anyone."
and I quote:
"I don't get along with my mother and you remind me of her."
Okay. Somebody was being real honest.
I had three reactions.
1. FML
2. Does he have a point?
3. See Ya! Peace Out! You're dumb.
Let's explore these.
1. FML: Was this seriously happening? Seriously? Really? I mean really? No one has ever laid it out like that to me. AND furthermore, really?! What happened to the great night? FML.
2. Does he have a point?: I think my friends would describe me as someone with a strong and sassy personality, I'm a "yellow/orange" type of person and not a "blue/grey". My job kinda brings out a little control freak in me, maybe not the best trait. Is that a turn off? Is being direct and strong not attractive? It is rude? Do I really have a lot of walls up? How guarded am I? Am I pre-destined for spinsterhood?
3. See Ya! Peace Out! You're dumb: My favorite of all 3 reactions. I will take what he said and maybe reconsider before I give too many directions on a date and trust the guy a little more. But something that I do know is that, I can't change myself for a man. Just like I can't change a man. My call-it-like-I-see-it, wit, cautiousness, and maternal tendencies are the things I like/love the most about myself. So why would I go about changing them for some dork in a fancy car with tight-overpriced jeans? I mean really?!
So thank you, Abe for being honest, for the tacos, an amazing concert and for trashing any self doubt that I may have ever had in myself. O! And for confirming that a deal breaker for me is if a guy checks Facebook and stares his phone during a concert. It IS rude.
Love to hear your thought. Friends (girls AND GUYS) speak up, be honest ;). Man-friends (men that I have "dated" in the past) you know best about me in these scenarios - leave your thoughts, suggestions etc.
Peace,
Polly
You left out a part of the story...something triggered him into saying those things about you. He may have been feeling that way towards you the entire evening, but what sparked him into actually telling you those things....on a first date??
ReplyDeleteDear Polly,
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog for approximately 4 months now since a close friend, you previously worked with, said you had her in stitches constantly, I investigated, hard nosed as hell, and as reluctant as ever, I've come to appreciate your style and check for updated blogs weekly. Cheers to you. I have my favorite blerps of yours but this one definitely cracked the top 3. If you want my thoughts..... This limp wristed narcissistic mamas boy, ain't worth your time. He can sure show a full-speed-ahead lady such as yourself a good time, but sounds like he wants a little girl to show around town. He can't take directions from a lady (come on bro, 21st century), you can't ask where your going when lead by a relative "stranger" WHAT? and homeboys checking facebook... mayyyybe once.... but multiple times at a concert with a woman like you... rework the priorities big boy. You keep doing you Polly.
My only critic, sucker punch the mf.... no. But tell this guy off, as Positive Pollyesk as possible and be on your way. My true adivce, first dates are the time a man wants to assert himself so have faith in the dude, at least until he screws up, or spot him if you see things going the wrong way, but let the man be man, at least for round 1. A strong woman has a presence about her, if she tries to assist the man especially when not needed, the man can fells vulnerable, gets competitive and boom! Get out your hammer, your building walls. I'll save you a ramble and a half by saying, just be Polly but remember a dates a tango, it takes 2 to hit it off, so if your enjoying his efforts, make sure he's enjoying yours. But F it, you win some, wou lose some and the rest are to the dawgs.
Keep 'em coming Polly, your adventures are different from my own and always entertaining.
Cheers
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteCheers to you. My favorite piece of your advice is, "A strong woman has a presence about her, if she tries to assist the man especially when not needed, the man can fells vulnerable, gets competitive and boom! Get out your hammer, your building walls...remember a dates a tango, it takes 2 to hit it off, so if your enjoying his efforts, make sure he's enjoying yours."
Thank you for that. I think its sound advice and just harsh enough for me to take it seriously. Now I have to wonder what mystical past co-worker sent you my way ... thanks for reading, you feedback is ALWAYS welcome. I'm assuming you are a boy, if so, I'm going to do a call for boy blog contributors. If you're interested and feel like you could have something relevant, random, silly and witty to contribute LMK.
Thanks again,
Polly