Honest Abe

Honest Abe

Unlike many of my recent dating encounters, this one came along rather as they say so often in Berkeley, “Organically”. Berkeley being the setting of our chance encounter. After chatting briefly at a work-associated cocktail hour I was approached by this friendly 30 something as he placed an extra Speakeasy Prohibition Ale down on the table next me. No words, then he took a seat a few spots away. Tease. I’m in.

Was this handsome feller flirting? No profile pic to review first, no “about me” section to filter thru, no photos of him posing with his dog or on a hike at the peak. Instead, I knew right away with this sly beer drop gesture that he was right down my alley.

Organically the night moved into more libations with colleagues where emails and phones numbers were exchanged professionally with heavy date innuendo. The following few days were filled with silly phone calls and text messages as we set up our master date.

Honest Abe arrived 5 – 10 min late. Lucky for him parking is hard to come by on a sunny day on my street, so I let him slide.

I think because this was one of the few dates in the past year that was asked out on in “Real life” and not on match.com, I was particularly nervous. I must have changed outfits 3 or 4 times and even sought out male-roommate-cute-outfit advice. After settling on snug tan shorts, a tribal halter top, brown wedges and denim jacket I applied my reddest llip gloss, a few splashes of Betsy Johnson and I felt like the best datable form of myself.

Honest Abe is also Mr. Red shiny BMW, perhaps to match my lip gloss. Little did I know that aside from our kismet matching lip and lacquer colour, Honest Abe would then take me on the best AND worst first date ever.

I was greeted by a reassuring “O good I’m still attracted to you hug”. Nice. As we approached the shiny speedster, he tossed out a few suggestions for dinner, sushi, Indian, Chinese …. Or the Ben Harper concert in San Francisco. Utter shock took over my body. I’ll give you one guess as to what I chose. Be still my heart. First date – music – a GREAT band - cute/nice boy… o AND we went to a cute Mexican place that I have been dying to try with TEAL painted walls?! Delicious chili verde tacos were followed by greyhounds at a local favorite bar and then a quick trip on BART to the Warfield. I sweet talked the scalper, he bought the tics, and I bought the first round of drinks and we found our seats just as the honorable Mr. Harper took the stage. We were like an unstoppable team. He was energetic, gentlemanly, excitable, not boring, fun, silly … What could go wrong? You'll have to stay tuned for next time...this is long one...

To Be Continued.

Deep Thoughts by my Big Brother

Polly here! Thanks for viewing, I can't believe how many views I've had ... so I'm going to be selfish and ask you to share with friends so I can get more motivation. TY.

Today's entry will not be featuring a man NOT of the dating/partner/I like you more than a friend/boy variety. Instead I will be focusing in on words wisdom from a very deep brotha.

That would be my brother, my Big Brother, Tommy Boy, Bro, Brah. I thought it only fitting to name this post, "Deep Thoughts", after a favorite skit that I remember watching as a kid on SNL with my brother man. But really I was inspired to write this after a conversation with my him ... and lets just say ... it got deep.

Well as conversations often do with him we got off on some tangent where we were sure that our opinions would solve all of the worlds problems and that we of course know all.

If you know myself or my brother you know that we are not the preachy type, but honestly we were really onto something.

The topic ... of course. Dating and relationships.

At times it has felt that my brother and I have been under the proverbial magnifying glass about our relationship status. Me, single as usual. Him, in a long distance relationship.

The question that prompted this conversation was, "Why do we get into relationships?

Big Brother's answer - "Endorphin's,". His opinion, to which I agree slightly, (and the girl in me will keep me from agreeing completely) is that the reason we feel so strongly about the people we meet is really just a chemical reaction. The excitement is derived from a chemical reaction of something new, something different, mysterious, provoking, interesting - that ladies and gents is our endorphines according to this prophet.

Is that why so many of us end up in the wrong relationships? I'll be the first to admit, been there done that. As my brother makes this argument, I can agree that my endorphines or initial excitement about that person is primarily drew me like a laser beam to that relationship.

The "newness" of all it at first, swept me away and blinded me from the realities or the non-endorphine life that everyone else was living around me.

As I thought more and more about this, I saw a similar pattern with men that I just minorly dated and really only moderately liked.

So because I have not made it to the glorious land of monogamy I assume that maybe there is some truth in this.

So then how will I know if I really do meet someone ... someone that make me feel uncontrollably different that anyone else? OR will it just be the endorphins?

OR take this thought even deeper... Obviously these silly little intriguing tickling and teasing emotions have worn off in my past. I'm going to call my past or experience with men, "Man Time," from here on out.

So in my Man Time, this theory actually stands true. Yes, it is all endorphines and nothing else. My Man Time has brought me some not so great and some really good men. However, past that stage of excitement they haven't so much turned out...so I can't remember what my brothers conclusion was ... but mine is - this must be what all those love birds say, "You will know it when you meet them,"... jury is still out on that one.

Coming soon ...

-The big debate - to take match profile down or not?

- Anxious, Aggressive, ADD Andy

- Tales from my Single Sisters

With Love,

Polly

Whiskey or Gin or Neither?

Taking life by the Handle Bars I felt inspired a few months ago. So inspired the next date I went on was with a young chap from across the pond. Gareth. Yes, Gareth. Yes, it gets better.

Gareth is from England and lives in Sacramento but works in SF most work/weekdays. I thought … what an interesting situation that would be? I love Sac and SF. Enjoy a nice boy when I go to visit the Sac family? Why not? Right?

So Gareth and I did the standard Match Messaging Shuffle then traded numbers and picked a night to meet.

I was surprised when he actually called and didn't send a text message. (Thats a big one boys).

We planned on meeting up at some random restaurant near the Financial District.

Things went great, easy convo, some banter and an affinity for the brown gold. Whiskey, Scotch, Bourbon … whatev. But we both liked it.

This led to a 2nd bar and my first Double Malt Scotch tasting.

This then led to the turn off …

He shook hands with the bartender for giving us a free round and introduced himself as "Gaz". Apparently "Gaz" is the short for Gareth to the Brits. (?) I looked puzzled when he told me and then in efforts to convince me he pulled down his lower lip to reveal a tattoo of said nickname. Yes, he had his strange nickname tattooed on the inside of his mouth.

You all know that I find nothing wrong with tattoos and support them fully. But, seriously? Seriously? I mean really? Really?

Anyways … we wrapped the night well and had a great time with Gaz … however I think the state of utter shock resinated with the both of us and we did not met up again.

A few weeks later I went met up with a nice, cornfed, boy from the midwest by way of San Diego at the Gold Dust in Union Square. (The Gold Dust has seen Jen n Friends at some of our finest moments. So I was thrilled that he choose this as our starting spot.)

Patrick drank Gin because his grandmother always did. That was a first.

As restaurant opener in the bay area he knew of a lot of places to grab a bite so we headed to Anchor and Hope. Amazing Seafood. And that was it…thats all. No more. No less. Amazing Seafood and a few Gins for him and Whiskey for me. Great guy but didn't quite "fit". Cheers and Good luck to you!

Positive Play

The positive play on these scenarios is … well … it didn't hurt. Instead I met some nice people I wouldn't have met otherwise, had a good time, learned a few things … most importantly that I will aways enjoy Whiskey with Jen…not Gin.

The Manager

The Manager

OOoooo the Manager. My Manager, was what kept me busy during and after the Cherry. The Manager was also someone that I have met in person before however we didn’t know that until we reacquainted ourselves through a Match Chat. The Manager, was as you can imagine a Manager of a restaurant in the city that I held an event at. I remember meeting him the first time at my event and desperately trying to flirt with him and his teal colored tie … you know my weakness for this color.

Flash forward to meeting him for a 2^nd time, this time virtually. The Manager was eager to set something up. We went for 1^st date sushi, 2^nd date game night, and then 3^rd date drinks … and then we moved to our phones. No, not speaking on the phone, but texting … a lot of it. The Manager had me texting with him about the most random stuff ever, yet we hadn’t made it past 4 official dates. Via text I learned (& saw through text photos) what he would have for dinner, him on vacation in Miami, what type of underwear he wears, how many beers he had, how hung over he was, his snuggie, how late he had to work… and on and on…yet he didn’t pull the trigger to hang out. He was that busy, … strike #1.

Moving on to strike #2, the conversation chemistry just wasn’t there. Me being someone that could talk my own ear off, I need someone who can match me or at least keep the convo going. I would ask a question and he go on and on but not return the question – conversation etiquette 101 buddy. Strike #3, was on our 5^th or 6^th date (yea we eventually met up a few more times after a long period of lagging). At dinner, he dropped sooo many F bombs and centered the conversation around getting fucked up and getting high. Sure I can/have/and do those things from time to time. But, I do not make them the forefront of my personality nor do I shout about it over dinner. Like I said Strike #3. He was out.

Positive Play

I'm going to take it back to Strike #1 - really where I should have stopped and known. Concerned about why he isn’t asking me out AKA pulling the trigger … lets assess the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule of dating (thank you girlfriends for reminding me of this one): If he wants to hang out with you, he will make it happen. Period.

The Manager didn't so much live up to the Golden Rule. AND the silver lining here is, that is okay. Because when I think about it, I wasn't crushing on him. Meaning everytime my phone pinged, my whole body didn't jerk and snag my phone looking in hopes of a text message from him. Lets be honest we have all had those "ones". Where everytime the screen lights up we hope its "him". If anything I was ready for him to just get off the pot and stop texting me.

In the end, I think we were both doing the same thing for each other. We weren’t head over heels for one another, but both decent enough people to keep around in the texting rotation that fills up our days. I hate to say it, but we have either done that or know someone who has ... basically kept someone on text rotation. In the hopper, on deck, warming up ... basically that source of attention that we have some need to tap every once in awhile. The thing that I realized was ... Meh, O well. He was a great player, but just minor league...not The Show...

You're welcome for all of the baseball references, opening day is right around the corner. Go Giants. And if you go to Giants games this year, you might find The Manager at a popular restaurant by the park ... he'll be the one that is very busy with the teal tie. ;)

Cheers,

Polly

Mr. Cherry

As promised I will be regaling you all of my dating doozies from Match.com - here it goes.

The Cherry

I will refer to this suitor as my “Cherry”. My first Match.com date went off with a bang with Mr. Cherry – pun intended. An afternoon meet up in the Mission ended in me rushing to catch the last BART train home to the East Bay at midnight. A Sunday beer enjoying a nice patio with bashful first date conversation and questions concluded in late night cocktails and spicy Brazilian dancing. An exciting success that reminded me of how it felt once upon a time when I was young and just talking with boys made me get the butterflies.

This Cherry was of the nice, gentlemanly Midwest breed with a splash of spunk, a whole lot of mystery and topped it off with a great taste in music. I’ve learned that if I connect with someone on a music beat, it enhances the – for lack of a better word – chemistry. Our adventures were a sweet combination of “gchat” messages that relentlessly kept me blushing and an easy drinking partner. Getting emails of zipped music files from him were in essence the new age flower delivery service. Instead of a bouquet, I would get the new aromas of Arcade Fire and the Black Keys, which to me is better than roses.

And…this sweetness believe it or not carried on for about 3 months…not “long”, I know, but not bad for my first shot on this site.

In the end, after a burlesque show and one dramatic greyhound infused phone call (don’t ask), my Cherry Boy, wasn’t ready for me and instead his heart was with someone else. A bit of an ego bruiser, but nonetheless a good guy with some more than great skills and of course … a great taste in music.

Positive Play - My Positive Play is going to be where I showcase my take away and my learning from this experience/individual. No how big/small or short/long the situation is, the Positive Play section is where I will, find the silver lining.

I learned a few things from My Cherry. A new love of a few bands that I hadn’t heard of before, how to use my DropBox, Bernal Heights is beautiful, I actually do like eggs Benedict … and a few more serious notes.

To not fall victim to the trap of “playing it cool”.

There were a few instances where I sensed something was not quite right with the boy. Instead of just confronting the issue, I held back and tried to “play it cool,” not come off like the needy girl or look vulnerable or god forbid, actually come off like I Liked Him.

I learned from this to be honest with him … and more importantly be honest with myself. I did like him, I really liked the idea of him, but I knew he was somewhere else. Which is/was fine/acceptable/okay.

But the fact that I/we both tried to play it cool, prolonged the inevitable. Hence I have learned (still learning this is a hard one) that aside from the awesome music, silly chemical banter and lovely snuggles and hand holding – I have to be honest with myself and look at this person and see if they really want me. Wow I just said that. Thanks boy.

Another one bites the dust. Stay tuned next time, there are more boys where this came from.

Back by Popular Demand …

Apparently my blog post entitled “Boys and Girls,” was a popular one and I’ve had requests to continue in that fashion. Sure, why not. So once again, I get to decompress my dating doozies in a public forum … and hopefully I don’t sound crazy … b/c I’m not … well a lil crazy never hurt no body ;).

A true blog master and a “Call it like I see it” – “don’t take no shit from anyone” type of gal has to be referenced first and foremost for her dating and match.com escapades.

Check my Breezy out at: My Vagina Monoblogs -http://datingdiary.wordpress.com/

If you’re into this…then you will be into her vagina…errr ya know.

So since my viewpoints on dating and mental mind trickery captivated my lil nitch of friends, I will continue.

To bring you up to speed and to clearly have no shame whatsoever I am announcing that I have officially been “dating” on Match.com. How did this happen?

Wellllll...a bottle of wine may or may not have been involved. It was a rainy Sunday in December. From the looks of it, it could have been a harmless Sunday Funday at home. But no, I pulled a very serious trigger. Somewhere between ¾ of the bottle down and a few helpings of peanut butter, I purchased a dating pool. A dating pool that has served to be incredibly diverse and interesting, I will admit that I probably wouldn’t have met most of the people that I have virtually dated through “winks” “favorite-ing” and messaging by just the stars aligning.

I honestly have no problem with online dating, I’ve had a positive experience with it prior to Match, however, what I always had a problem with was the “paying” for the service. Because trust me, that annoying chick from Millionaire Matchmaker is not inviting me to her office to orchestrate a meet n greet of my potential matches. Instead we pay for dating pool on clever taglines, photos, winks, ‘about me”, “about my date”, and daily “matches” emails.

I have fallen trap to it, and I can confidently say that at least I am doing this with the best odds of hopefully meeting someone cool that has some things in common and that has better intentions that the asshole that tried grabbing my legs at the bar the other night. SO I took the plunge and purchased a 1 month membership, with a First Time User additional complimentary month. That was followed by a brief period of not logging in and letting my account go inactive, then swiftly returning and reactivating. Details forthcoming.

It has been an adventure to say the least and boy have I met some interesting boys, all of which I have learned something from.

For today I will leave you with that and next time I will introduce you to my gentlemen callers, anonymously of course. I think my Match profile actually references Positive Polly Posts, got to gain readers somehow ;)

;) Polly